I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
