I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it's like iHOP with fire
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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