So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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