Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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