I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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