I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
