He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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