I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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