I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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