she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
