he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
