Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
