Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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