just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
