Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
