Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
