Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
