***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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