It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
