never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
