who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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