sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to make out with him forever
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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