shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
