There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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