like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
