I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
