So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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