I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
