I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
