im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
