The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
