I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
