That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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