I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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