don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
