Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
