It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
