A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You are a genius and a whore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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