she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
