I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
worst night to have a conscience
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
