4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
