I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
