She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am one with the molecules
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
