Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
