So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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