i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
