i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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