sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize