My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
