Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I want a musical about memes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
