Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
