jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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