All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
