All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
