OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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