so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
